Wednesday, February 6, 2013

Barbie-Q: Murder Most Foul

X tried to kill me. Okay, maybe he didn't try to kill me but he certainly pulled a stunt that could have killed us both (maybe). While I was on business call he decided to pop Barbie into the microwave and cook her. Her hollow head burst into flames and melted into the sad, disturbing mess you see above.

When I smelled smoke I hung up on the colleagues, ran down the hall and started gagging on the billows and billows of smoke coming out of the microwave oven. The entire kitchen was a smoke-filled wreck.

I grabbed X, popped him in the lounge opened two windows, turned on the TV and then shut the door. I shut the kitchen door behind me, opened the giant window, grabbed the flaming Barbie and threw her right out the window where she flew in an ungraceful, smoky arc, crashing onto the patio below.

It stunk! The microwave was destroyed. I just slapped the door shut and turned on the cooker fan, and waved the smoke out the window. After 20 minutes of waving smoke, cleaning up the mess and unplugging everything, I rescued Barbie (who was finally smoldering but not on fire), wrapped her up (after taking the photo) and chucked her in the rubbish.

We aired the house out for two freezing hours. But after 45 minutes I felt really dizzy, lightheaded and nauseous. In fact, I had to lay down at one point. Apparently, melting plastic is toxic. I googled it - and naturally freaked out because the internet is a bad, bad place to self diagnose!

I called poison control at the NHS instead. The guy on the phone said, "Take your son and go to the nearest A&E immediately." YIKES.

We wrapped ourselves up on our burnt plastic smelling jackets and headed to the Royal Free hospital where were were for four hours. We have survived. But I probably have microscopic plastic fragments in my lungs which takes years to clear.

X was FINE. He jumped around like a wild animal let out of it's cage for the first time in 40 years. I was propped up by a chair feeling ill. Such fun!

We no longer have a microwave. I can't say that's a terrible thing. But Cate was NOT happy at the death of her Barbie. So if you see us at Toys R Us this weekend pursuing the Barbie aisle - you'll know why!

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