Friday, November 23, 2012

Doing Battle

I was called aggressive and a bully this week. Which I find really amusing seeing how the person calling me these names was giving it as good as she got it. Sure, I'm no wallflower and when I feel like I've been wronged, backed into a corner or being taken advantage of, I will speak out - loudly. How people receive that is up to them but I'm not apologizing for the way I feel.

Lately, I've been having a rough go of it. I've had one friend yell at me over something something my daughter said (which was hilarious and harmless). I put it on Facebook and she went ballistic. I was so taken aback by her viceral reaction I unfriended her - online and in life. Then I had an altercation with another friend, one I've never had quarrel with, regarding my nanny. Both times were really, truly upsetting to me and I'm watering them down for this post. But I feel that in both situations BOTH parties only saw ME as a problem and themselves as a victim therefore no apology was needed for me. In both cases I apolgized the same way: I am sorry you were offended. And I am. But I'm not sorry for what I did: defending myself.

Is it just me or are relationships becoming increasingly difficult to maintain now? Perhaps it's just that both relationships are only 2 years old and I guess I didn't really know either of them. I felt really wrongly accused by both. I am not a mean person, I am generous with my time, my feelings, my hospitality (apparently my nanny as well) and I try to cultivate my relationships with care. I feel that this worked against me in both instances.

At work I am aggressive, it's the nature of the business. I am not afraid to speak out for my clients, myself and for the company where I work. I try to keep that part of me in business but it comes out when I feel at a loss in my personal life.

I was really down for a few days this week, gutted, as the British say. But I need to move on now. As Fen said, 'You don't need this. Stick with people who are good to you.' I think I'll listen to him. He never falls out with friends or has quarrels - then again he doesn't spread himself thin like I do.

As for the rest of the friends I've made here - love 'em all. So many good people to be with, why focus on the ones that made me that unhappy? Moving on...


  1. do you know, I recently was out with friends of several years and at the end of the night got literally screamed at by a woman I counted a close friend - over something I thought was minor. I apologized over and again, but nothing can fix it, and it seems to me part of it is how SHE deals with anger and control.

    It hurt for sure, and I definitely questioned myself. And I have a sensible husband too. So I'm letting it go for now and waiting it out.

    We'll see. Hang in there.

  2. You're right - it is getting harder. Edit out anyone who takes without giving back and keep being kind - I honestly believe in karma

  3. @James - right back atcha!

    @Barbara - people's reactions are hard to gauge. I agree - you never know what other people are dealing with. She may have just taken her anger out on you (an easy target). HOpe she comes to her senses and soon!

    @Sarah@Sunshine - I plod on! Life's too short to focus on the negative!

    Thank you all for the support!

  4. I simply cannot imagine you as an aggressive bully. Assertive yes, but never a bully. Often when people say things like that it's just a weapon, there's no truth in it. She was losing the argument, obviously! I think relationships that have the added element of our children in them in some form are different. In January of this year I had a massive falling out with a friend of 10 years--all because of something to do with her son. It was pretty nasty so I unfriended her on FB and real life, and so did several other of my friends and family. I can't remember the last time I've had such a bad falling out, high school??


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